Shenmue

No video or picture, this game doesn't deserve it.

Old. Clunky. Sooooo much stilted dialogue that sounds like it was recorded outside on a windy day, in the middle of a paddock, by a group of lobotomy patients. You seemingly need to talk to EVERYONE, and since that's half the game, it's a terrible half. These chats go on and on with the same inane back and forth a 10 year old might have written for his primary school narrative. It's terrible is what I'm trying to say, and a lot of it is unskippable cut-scene.

The main character walks like he's mired in a river of treacle, slowly shuffling from one poorly recorded exposition to another, pouting about his dead father with all the emotion of an eggplant. You have almost zero agency while this is happening, your part in the game seems to be piloting the avatar through the bland and dated scenery like in one of those old arcade games...Dragon Quest? Dragon's Lair? I never got to the combat, though I hear it sucks and takes a bunch of grinding to improve via pointless mini-games. (I'm sorry, I really didn't put a lot of time into this game, maybe an hour or so? It was distressingly dull and I couldn't go on. I watched a few reviews and gameplay videos instead, and even they were bad for my emotional well-being).

In a bid to learn what makes this game popular I snuck about in the interwebs reading other people's reviews and I learned the following: anyone who owned a Dreamcast (for which this was both the marque game, and a big reason it failed) is still going around in rose tinted glasses and refuses to acknowledge that this is a great big pile of shit. Anyone else thinks it's pointless, endless, garbage.

VERDICT: Some games age like fine wine and still play well, even after 20 years. This is not one of those games.

Final Word: Just noticed the Shenmue 1 and 2 bundle on Steam is $50AUD! You'd have to have hit your head repeatedly before this looked like a good deal. I got them for next to nothing via Humble, and I still consider it a waste of money. Shenmue #2 will forever remain unplayed, and that makes me a better person.

(game link)